Weeping Hornet

How long must a grown man cry before he can finally pick himself up. How many night must I spend without your warm embrace, this horror is eating me alive I can't take this loneliness that burns inside of me and it won't go away so much I have to do yet I feel like I am doing nothing, I am worthless. WHY o WHY does it have to be this way why can't anyone understand the pain that burns inside of me,, this pain that feel like a thousand suns bursting inside of me. God I need your help, I cry out to you Lord speak to me, mend my heart, this cursed spirit of mine, make me whole again and mold me as you would have e lord take away all greed, lust, and wants of this world for it is all meaning less to me. None of it matters to me only that my salvation be pure and my heart be mended that I may walk in your way.

I'm tired of this life, I feel so down all the time, satan's trying to rule me, but he don't control. Evil everywhere I see what does God want from me. Everyday is a struggle and I hurt inside a little more. What am I supposed to do the world has got me down, it probably has you too. I try so hard to make you happy, I try so hard not to linger in my sanity but with that I have been through I just don't understand how much more I can take, losing my grip on reality, feels like I am being strangled by a snake. I wish someone could help but I guess the truth is I am scared, scared to turn to God my salvation. Scared to hear what he will say, scared to find out what is truing lurking beneath my hearts shallow grave. It's been so long since I have felt kindness I almost forgot I had a heart always trying to do whats right, to do whats good. It will be worth in the end but it's not always as easy as they say. I go my own way and I start to fall astray and than God has to help me again and again, independent I am not dependent I will be till the very end o, this pain I feel inside is eating me alive and I just can't seem to stand it anymore it's killing me rocking me slowly back and forth until I either brake or am eaten alive this devil be gone why can't you just die. Temptation is eating me alive and jealousy will be my end I don't deny, for it could be the cause for losing my girlfriend and I just can't bear to lose what means more to me than myself. For that I must confess I am no better than the rest, a punk born a sunder, must have been a blunder parents divorced, no job, no car no money in the bank, o what am I to do got nobody to turn to 18, be on the street soon begging for food and starving just like those kids I used to see on tv, o how I wish someone could help me. This rant has gone on long enough I lived a good life, I know it wasn't really that tough, now comes the easy part where I just sit back and let gravity takes it's course, my actions are my own I really can't deny how I feel inside so now the time to let go and to show the world who I am, not that they will care, I will die and you will go on living your life and say so what "whats in the past is in the past." I guess that all you have to say are the magic words and you feel like it all goes away. maybe all my friends can forget about me and learn to see that my mask has finally come undone, the truth is out and I am the only one who know now what I must do I really wish I could spend an eternity talking bout it with you but I have stuff to do and time is short so with that I will take my leave and let you be.

My work is done

Well I will make this blog short, the matter of the fact is I am getting laid off my job at radioshack and I am not sure what in the world I am going to do. I am of course very worried and upset that I won't be able to work at radioshack anymore as I really did like my job. I will just have to try and find another job that I enjoy doing, something maby it sales or public realations. Either way I hope to express my feelings to the world, whether through work or this blog I am not sure.

How to Fix up your computer

Here are some easy ways to download some free software that will help clean out your computer and defrag it not within hours but within minutes.

1.Go to www.google.com and type in ccleaner
2.click on the ccleaner link and go to filehippo and download ccleaner, run ccleaner in all applications including fixing registry issues.

1.Go to defraggler.com and download defraggler
2. Open defraggler and analyze and defrag all harddrives

1.Go to google and type in free avg
2. click on avg free link
3.download avg free for free virus protection

How to watch almost any movie
1.Go to www.Veoh.com and download veoh's beta client, than go to www.watch-movies.net from here you can search and watch thousands of movies from their database through the veoh client or from your web browser and never have to go to blockbuster again.

This was more of an informational blog I hope you enjoyed it, also I reccomend visting chess.com it is really an awesome chess website.

Money Money Money it is all about the money Right?

Money, Money, Money why o why does it always have to be about money. Why do every Christmas I feel the need to go mad and spend money that I don't have I mean how was I supposed to know my bank account would suddenly drop from several hundred dollars to a mere one hundred..maby the fact that I spent all that money on stuff. What is so great about all the stuff we have anyway. When God created us we didn't have all of these pitiful possessions. We just had one another. Good old adam and eve, well I guess they are really old now. Well anyway I am expirancing some real money promblems. I don't have a car and I am supposed to be saving some money for a car well now my bank account is nearly empty and now her dad asks how much money I have saved for a car!!! The irony kills me inside, so I asked myself what am I to do. What can I do, I don't have a car and have little way to make any money for a car it is really sad. Perhaps I will pray, I used to pray alot. I love God you see, he saved me from damnation, from the demons that plagued my life. I guess we all end up facing our own demons one way or another but I couldn't have defeated mine without God for he guided me out from the torment from which I wrought. Salvation is now mine and can be yours to. It's a free gift, the greatest gift is eternal life from Jesus my lord. But enough about my religion, back to this plain fact that I have absolutely no money and I have to figure out a way to make some. My dead beat job only gives me like 15 hours per week at minimum wage, so right now I am in a very very bad situation. I know it is tranquil compared to what people starving in Africa are going through and I feel for them but what money do I have to give, I guess it is only fair that the poor give to the poorer and the rich take from both the poor and the poorer. My deepest thoughts, my pains, these feelings inside I am truly in love but what am I to do. I only wish I had the money to buy my girlfriend the engagement ring she deserves and I wish I could be the man I was born to be. Woe is me for I am pathetic in my own right. A failure, I have come this far in life and all I have to show for it is a horrible miserable past. One with callousness and betrayer filled with hypocritical nonsense in a void of uneven symmetry that surpasses even the greatest of all motion pictures. I really do hate drama when it is my life that is affected, sure it is ok to watch CSI but does anyone want to be the victim? I think not, in reality we are such a selfish people or at least I guess I am. I could blame my parents but that wouldn't be right as my decisions in life have all been my own and to my own justice is doth deserve credit. I ask what am I to do when the world comes crashing through, all the lies and deceit, isn't it enough to just try and sit their and eat while the hungry children gather beneath your feet, and cry out in the smoldering heat. I can't understand where the compassion in America has gone. Where the love that once resided in every heart has turned to bitter cold immorality to rapists and murderers. I just wonder where I go from here in a world so wrapped up in fear.